Ever since the first CT scan found a tumor on my pancreas, I pretty much resigned myself to the fact that my time was up even though I had more tests to go through. I tried hard not to get my hopes up because I know that pancreatic cancer is always death sentence. My recent surgery on Friday confirmed what I have already come to accept. The cancer is inoperable - stage 4. I have been "getting my affairs in order" and I already made arrangements for Ben to be relocated to his new home and owners in a week. I am opting out of meeting with an oncologist to discuss chemo and will be going straight into hospice care soon. The blow of an early departure is softened by the fact that I retired and have been living life completely on my own terms for the past 15 years and won't be leaving a family behind. While people die all the time, it's pretty hard to wrap my head around the fact that my turn is coming up. My only fear about it is that I am undeserving of God's grace...
23 comments:
I'm sure the Good Lord reads your Sunday devotionals and already knows your true heart and soul, John. God bless you.
Very sad to hear this. You've been, and will continue to be, an inspiration.
Oh. This is a blow to me. I have no worries about your hereafter. You've done your best.
I am saddened by this news John. God bless you.
He's got you, my distant friend.
your stoicism is admirable, your fear about being undeserving of God's grace is not necessary… I believe your ticket has been stamped for some time:
"God gives the grace of forgiveness to those who trust in Christ and His work on the cross and enter into a relationship with Him. As Paul says, this justification is a free gift of grace paid for by Jesus' sacrifice."
I am so sorry this is happening to you. — as you write, "on to a new adventure"
Peace to you, friend. Glad you are looking out for Ben - he couldn't have had a better "Pop". This feels so inadequate - the words elude me…
Im sitting in the hotel waiting for the shuttle to go to the airport in Houston to head back to Wa. Im sorry i missed you. Terlingua is a cool quirky town and i loved it. Tivos resteraunt has the best mexican food i have ever eaten. Nereida is a hoot. My Dad asked about a beer and she waved her finger back and forth in a scolding manner and with a disapproving look told him "No beer." The gospel music in spanish made the whole venue. Lol. I met a lot of intersting people and everyone was very friendly. You picked a fine place to retire.
We all are not fit to enter heaven. But by the grace of God and Christ you get in. So you're golden my friend. See you there someday my friend.
Your virtual friend and fan,
Alden
So sad to hear John.
About your fear... You are a believer and will be welcomed.
It has been a pleasure knowing and following you.
Peace and Love My Friend!
For years I have followed your blog every morning along with my first cup of coffee. I have been amused, and amazed, and enjoyed all the folks (human and otherwise) you have introduced and the projects you have documented. You have brought joy to many and will be greatly missed. You will not be forgotten. I wish you peace in your new journey.
Gail Cashen, previously of Austerlitz, NY
John, sure hate to hear this.
Please consider alternative treatments. My younger brother beat lymphoma via chemo and secretly taking fenbendazole and a couple other supplements.
Stop sugars and carb intake.
After he had his 2nd scan to determine progress his oncologist was visibly shocked at the 98% tumor reduction.
Our thoughts are with you.
John I too from the beginning have read your blog daily after dinner and have lived vicariously in the region of Texas I love. It was with tears in my eyes that I read the blog last night. As I told my wife I feel like I know you though we have never met. You will never know how many of us will miss you. My joy is knowing that as a brother in Christ I will meet you in the future.
Jim Melton
El Paso
Miracles do happen. But if this is the end, you are exiting the way we all hope to. And you have faith, which some of us do not. I feel strangely envious of you, John.
John, may the Lord bless and hold you.
John i have followed your blog and enjoyed reading it all these years and seeing you on Texas Country Reporter It has inspired so many with the projects and animal friends youve made over the years.
I pray God would bless you during this time and wrap you in his grace and mercy
vaya con dios señor
God bless you and thank you for the wonderful blog I have read these many years. You will be in my prayers.
Sad to hear this, John. Your adventures have been inspirational. It has been inspirational to read about you living your life without fear. And the stories done with such polish and care! Lots of us lurkers will miss your musings.
I was pretty crushed when I read this even though I knew pancreatic cancer usually hides until its progressed. F@#$ all cancer but pancreatic cancer especially. I completely respect and agree with your treatment decisions - heavy as they may be. I also agree that you have gotten to live the life you wanted to the last 15 years. I hope to be so lucky. You're a good man, John, and I am better for having met you.
The temporary nature of all things is both a curse and a blessing. Meet the future with head held high and eyes wide open. I will think of you often.
I've enjoyed watching you move to an inhospitable area and thrive. Followed many projects, some more successful (the hut, pepino, solar grid, water catchment) than others (wind power, gardening, bike-o-warsher). Some projects were just for fun (smelting, robotics, drone), all were a pleasure to watch.
You showed us that you could live on your own terms. Thank you for sharing your life. Mine is better because of it.
I have followed your blog for years now. I'll miss your daily updates. I pray the Lord will give you the strength to endure what is to come.
Take care old dude
Adios
Paul
Godspeed, it was good to have met you. you taught me much.
Tom
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